New blog

I’m a word person, more than a picture person, so while some people paint or scrapbook or photograph, I’ve used this blog as a way to record the first 2 years and nearly 5 months of Cameron’s life. It’s cool for me to think that Cam will have this record to delve into one day when he’s ready. And it will be good for Murray and me, in time, to remember things that for now are easier to forget. I might also draw on some of what I’ve written here when I finally get around to writing a book about this past season of our lives :). Keeping a blog has been cathartic for me, and a real source of healing. I know God has also used it here and there to encourage others, and I’m really grateful for that.

But seasons changes, and with spring and jasmine in the air, what better time for the August winds to be ushering in a brand new season. Our second little man arrives in just 3 weeks or so, Deo Volonte. I can’t possibly blog about one son and not the other, and the thought of keeping up two blogs, amidst copious newborn nappies, is just too daunting! So, I’ve created a new blog:

http://reyburnboys.blogspot.com/

which you can visit, should you wish, to read about both our little boys. I want this blog to be a celebration of the depth, beauty and richness of life, reflecting the hope we have as believers, the freedom we have to seize life in all its fullness. As we walk through the seasons, recognising that ‘there are pockets of beauty in every season, even the wintery ones’ (Pam Ferreira), I want to be asking, ‘Where did I see God’s glory today?’ I want this blog to reflect that ‘He is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him’ (John Piper). I want it to reflect the beautiful, paradoxical reality that we are getting younger on the inside, day by day – for ‘that is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day.’ (2 Cor. 4:16)

If you read Cameron’s blog because you are given to praying for him and his visual progress, please keep checking the new blog. I will definitely continue to chronicle his journey! There should be photos soon of him wearing his new little glasses. Murray has designed specs for him to wear, to correct his astigmatism (but mostly to get him used to the idea of wearing glasses).

Lastly, thank you for reading my thoughts over the past two and a bit years. Often it has felt as if I’ve sent my bleeding heart out into the ethers of cyberspace to be judged, or worse, to be ignored. It’s then that I’ve received much needed encouragement, from close friends and family who read this blog, or from praying, distant friends as far flung as North America, the Middle East, the UK, Australia and New Zealand. From me, Murray and Cameron: THANK YOU and may our God bless you abundantly for carrying us.

dalene.reyburn@gmail.com

Two cute statements...

Cam today:

‘I not crying ‘cause I choosing the right attitude.’ (Shame, sounds like his Mom is quite intense...?! :)

‘No, Lola, stop it! You being ridiculous! Just relax Lola!’ (He was trying to wrap her in one of his baby brother's blankets and she was having none of it.)

Twenty-seven days ‘til baby brother makes his debut! :)

‘You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.’ – Psalm 139:16

Just some photies...

Of painting and spotted, stripy cats...

Cam has had a happy couple of weeks!

Last weekend, he helped us repaint the cot for his baby brother (and he also painted Lola, the bricks, the roses bushes, etc...).

This weekend, Aunty Mel organised an adventure for Cam to see lions, tigers, leopards and cheetahs right up close! Farm Inn (owned by friends of Mel, and Old Albanians whom I taught) has a menagerie of these amazing cats, and it was awesome for Cam to be able to experience them just centimetres away.

And yesterday he made a lego camera and snapped pictures of the family, each photo preceded by a hysterical cry of ‘Click!’ :)

I can feel spring coming; God is good.

Latest on the little man...

Cam’s Uncle Gav, and Grandpa, hooked up a car DVD screen to Granny and Grandpa’s TV so that Cam could watch his own little TV, close up. This was a win-win situation because everybody could watch the cartoon. His cousins are very tolerant, but it can be annoying for them that Cam wants to stand super close and right in front of the TV...! We are looking into loads of techno options to assist Cam in this kind of thing. It’s overwhelming – there is so much out there. Pray for us that we would choose wisely to suit Cam’s age and needs.

I met with a wonderful Mom this week whose son is also visually impaired and in Grade 1 at a mainstream school. I learned a lot from her, was greatly encouraged, and was left with much to think about. What a blessing to interact with people who have walked a similar road, and who are a little further along the way than we are.

Victory: Potty training is going fantastically well! Sleep training is going pretty well, too. Our nights are definitely improving, and we are encouraged that we are gaining ground! :)

Setback: Cam has tonsillitis and another middle ear infection... It looks like a tonsillectomy and more grommets are imminent... But we are completely fine with that, if his health will be the better for it. We are constantly amazed at the level of his cheerfulness and chattering, despite temperatures of over 40 degrees! Wow; he is my brave shining star :)

I wish I could record every hilariously cute thing that Cam says, and am praying that my memory doesn’t fail and that I’ll be able to enjoy the recollections of him at this age when he’s all grown up. For some reason, for the past two days he has been telling us all things that he likes, like Mom, Dad, Granny, Grandpa, Nanna, all his aunties, going to school, going to church, yoghurt, pasta, juice, praying, his toys, Lola, smiling, tissues...? He’s also into little expressions of endearment, like, ‘So nice to see you, Daddy-Dads. Missed you today!’ and ‘Granny’s so precious!’ He entertains himself with role-playing, pretending to open the boot of the car to take out the shopping, or paging through any random book and reciting the story of Mr Noisy in a sing-song voice... Man, we just enjoy him so much.

Had my 4D scan this week and got incredible footage of Cammy’s baby brother – so exciting!

‘Give thanks to the Lord and proclaim his greatness. Let the whole world know what he has done. Sing to him; yes, sing his praises. Tell everyone about his wonderful deeds. Exult in his holy name; rejoice, you who worship the Lord. Search for the Lord and for his strength; continually seek him. Remember the wonders he has performed, his miracles, and the rulings he has given...’ – Psalm 105:1-5

(Photos that go with the previous post)

This past week

We’ve had a bit of a sad week, but it hasn’t been without its laughs and victories.

Last Sunday we spent time with various friends, at church and elsewhere, who have kids the same age as Cam. It’s often then that we notice things that Cam isn’t doing – things that other kids are doing. Like looking across a room for confirmation from mom that it’s ok to do something, or getting the route to the slide and up the ladder right first time, without needing to be shown. Some kids at a coffee shop playground teased him about his eyes, and one was even throwing rocks around (which Cam didn’t see coming).

On Monday I quickly went to my office and left Cam playing with Maria. When I came back in through the kitchen door he was there, but he didn’t recognise me until I spoke, which was sad. That same day, he tried to shove cheese up his nose, which was hilarious (though of course I sternly explained that this was not standard gentlemanly behaviour).

On Tuesday we went to the zoo with Granny and all Cam’s cousins and aunties. What he could see, he absolutely loved! Like the stripy zebras and tiger (contrast), and the seriously close-up horse, and the seal that kept swimming right up to the window. The rest was pretty heartbreaking for me, because he couldn’t see much else at all, and kept saying things like, ‘Can’t see; want to look closer,’ and ‘If only could touch the elly...’ He also ran excitedly right off a step he didn’t see. He got a big fright, but he did do a rather excellent barrel roll and wasn’t hurt at all. We’ve noticed that he actually doesn’t use his eyes at all when he runs – he looks up and doesn’t try to see the way ahead. It’s miraculous that he doesn’t trip or bump into stuff more than he does. Still, it was totally worth going to the zoo, because he had fun despite the quiet dawning of realisation that his cousins were seeing things that he wasn’t. The absolute highlight of the day was a red sucker from Aunty Coral (he is still talking about it).

Other breaking news is that Cam’s grommets have fallen out and he has had another middle ear infection this week. But praise God for his paediatrician, and banana-flavoured Augmentin. We’ll be paying another visit to his ENT in the next couple of weeks to see about another set of grommets. I also had a good chat to the paediatrician about our struggle with Cam’s sleep, and he was super encouraging and understanding. He gave us really sound advice and a way forward that makes sense, so we are feeling much more hopeful and at peace. Already we are getting in a couple of extra hours each night, so here’s hoping that by the time his baby brother arrives Cam will be snoozing all night...

‘The Lord your God is going ahead of you. He will fight for you...’ – Deuteronomy 1:30

Photos: our time at Sabi River Sun; Cam playing the piano for Dunx and Linda; Cam and Lola helping me do some filing...; the zoo.

Bushveld sounds and jelly tots

We spent a lovely time at Sabi River Sun with Cam’s Nanna, Grandpa-Linds, Uncle Dunx and Aunty Snoox. There's nothing like a sunrise through the fever trees of the lowveld to remind one that His mercies are new every morning. Cam thoroughly enjoyed the cacophony of hippo calls and bird shrieks, and got close enough to some Egyptian geese to see them – and chase them! He just loved the wide open spaces, bashing a tennis ball and kicking a soccer ball (sort of...), singing on the stoep, going for walks, running across the bridges, and generally being doted on by all.

His potty training is going well – give it up for motivational jelly tots! :) We continue to pray for wisdom and discernment with regard to his untimely nightly awakenings. We spent a long time in prayer with him last night, on the lounge carpet in front of a roaring fire. We asked him first if there was anything he wanted to pray about. He said, ‘Dear Lord Jesus; for nothing to be scared of in my blue bed. Amen.’ I’m still trying to scrape my heart off the carpet...

Today was his first day of school with his new teacher, Aunty Rene. He gave her a big smile and a huge hello hug! :)

Struggling to upload photos today - will post some soon!

These are a few of my favourite things...

In no particular order:

Public transport and a future in God’s hands

Last week I took my first trip on the Gautrain with some friends – awesome! :) Effective, state-of-the-art public transport in SA really excites me, because it helps me to picture a positive, manageable future for Cam, whether that’s here or elsewhere. I think the World Cup here in SA has also shown people that we don’t necessarily need to be afraid of one another and that just maybe, like all the tourists, we can all catch the same buses, taxis and trains.

Sadly, on the flip side of fast trains and friendliness: my uncle was violently attacked in his home in Whiteriver last week. So is there a future? My hope springs from evidence that God is raising up a generation of godly young men (so many boy babies...!) who will bring His light into the future, however dark that future threatens to be.

Colours

Cam has made me very aware of colour. When he was born, he could only see light and dark. Then, before his cataract surgery, we realised that with lots of stimulation he could see red, orange, purple and pink. Now, with contact lenses and post-op visual therapy, his world is beautifully saturated with all colours. We’ve emphasised colour a lot, because we’ve recognised that where he can’t see detail, he can certainly see colour. He probably really enjoys colours because they compensate for clarity. He seldom mentions anything without attaching its colour, so he requests his dark navy undies, and yellow cheese for lunch, and wants to ride in Mommy’s silver car, etc.

Interestingly, he saw the moon on Saturday night – bright white light against a dark sky (even though it’s zillions of kilometres away...?); but only sees someone approach at about 4 or 5 metres.

Weekends in the bush

We spent the weekend at Somabula near Cullinan and it was glorious. I packed in all Cam’s books and cars, but he didn’t ask for them once. He just adventured in the veldt and around our little cottage, collecting sticks and feathers, making fires with Dad, etc. When we woke up on Saturday morning and were all lying together in our ‘holiday bed’ he listened and remarked, ‘There are lots of birds here.’

Books

Cam’s favourite book at the moment is ‘the sea book’. He remembers random things we’ve read to him. This morning he came into our room and said to me, ‘Dolphins are mammals that live in the sea.’ ‘The garden book’ and ‘the little lamb book’ are also firm favourites.

Food

Cam’s favourite thing to eat at the moment is pasta, tuna, cheese and tomato sauce. Yip, all together...

Playing, imagining...

Cam’s favourite things to do: playing with cars; riding his red motorbike; washing dishes; going to Granny’s house; playing hide and seek or ‘catch you!’ with Dad (he tells Dad where to hide, then comes to find him... which kind of gives Cam an unfair advantage...); making a ‘cave’ with our duvet.

We are enjoying him so much (despite the days when he whines a lot or throws tantrums). Yesterday he spent quite a while lifting my shirt and kissing (well, licking) my tummy and saying, ‘Hello, brother!’

He remembers stuff from way back and randomly tells us about things that happened or people we saw months ago. He’s also super descriptive (e.g. ‘Meagie’s got such a lovely ponytail’ and ‘Daddy’s got nice brown spiky hair’). He modifies most of his statements with quaint interjections like ‘actually’, ‘a little bit’ and ‘quite’. And his answer to a stern reprimand is generally to pause and then say, ‘Hug!’

He has a wild imagination. Samantha (Aunty Manty) gave him a little plastic soccer ball, and I thought it would be fun for him to play with it in the bath. Alas, he was utterly distraught, and in panicked tones yelled, ‘Soccer ball mustn’t swim!’ then flung it from the water to the safety of the bathmat. Ok...?!

The paradox of sleepless peace

Probably most moms feel judged for the imperfections of their children, perhaps especially moms of children with disabilities. When Cammy decided that sleeping through the night was so last year, it was very humbling for me. I mean, we read all the books; how could we have failed?

My self-soothing consolation is that we have prayed and prayed for wisdom and discernment, and to know the next right thing to do. We have felt strongly that sleep therapy is not the right strategy (for us, Cam or the neighbours) and that we need to sit this one out, trusting that this season will pass. I have given my sleep – and Cam’s – to God. Since our times are in His hands, He will determine our hours of rest. This has brought a lot more peace, and now I see our encounters in the middle of the night as divine appointments.

Go, Bafana Bafana!

Ke yona

‘Feel it. It is here.’ :) Cammy came with us to 3Ci’s ‘fan park’ yesterday, to watch SA score the first goal of the 2010 World Cup! The vuvuzelas got a bit much for him (and me!) and we spent a good deal of the match jumping on the trampoline outside. Still, the atmosphere was awesome.

'I wearing smart undies like Dad!'

We are now fully into hardcore potty training, and so far so good. Only two accidents in three days! Cam is wearing undies at home and around the campus, but he still wears a nappy if we go out, and when he sleeps. His teacher, Aunty Lyn, says we must send him to school in undies on Monday (with several changes of clothes). He’ll be going to school a couple of days a week through the holiday, so as not to lose his rhythm, and to get used to the fact that Aunty Lyn will be leaving at the end of the month. Cam will miss her desperately. He has absolutely thrived under her love and teaching. But, we know there’s a plan and that even though Cam is so little, God is building his character. These little hardships are ‘the small, the scorching / Ordeals which fire one’s irresolute clay’ (C. Day Lewis).

Of sleepless nights and hope

We keep praying for a full night’s sleep for all in the Reyburn household, and that Cam would rest secure in the love of Jesus at night, because ‘perfect love expels all fear’ (1 John 4:18).

‘When I get older I will be stronger
They’ll call me freedom just like a wavin’ flag...’ (K’naan)